I'll say goodbye to my father,my mother, and i'll press on....

SO, lately I have been thinking about the usual, school, dropping out, purpose, and God. These are the main thoughts of my life for the past year or so. Not a whim.

I'm not going to waste my time expressing how i feel about dropping out for a purpose, because i am yet to find anyone who agrees, which is fine, I'm just saying i am not going to waste my effort expressing my thoughts for no reason. HOWEVER, I do want to lay my thoughts out there concerning the things affected by my opinion.

My plan:

Keep swallowing the ridiculous injustices of my home for two more months, and dealing with a brother who hates me like no body's business. and then in January moving to Orlando to start ministry school and get a job. and then go from there.


BUT:
There is always God's plan. And i spend the mass majority of my time talking to Him, and listening to Him. So He and i have discussed this topic quite a bit.the thing about God is, He is the only one in my life who has ever made me face consequences. Sure, i have always been given ultimatums in my life by parent's, teachers, etc. but i have always found a loop hole, or just found a way to escape consequence. but with God, I know if i disobey, there will be a price to pay. And in a strange way, i feel comforted in that. because I know that He is so sure that His plan is the absolute best, that to keep me from ruining myself, He is willing to let me face a consequence to keep me headed straight. (hope that makes sense)

And i know, "if you quite school you will regret it, you will kick yourself later for it,no one will respect you....blah blah blah." and perhaps that is true, but that isn't what i fear. my problem with me dropping out, is the fact that God has shown me that i am the only earthly thing my mother has. And He has given me a responsibility to make sure she is loved and taken care of. And if I will just listen to His heart, He is telling me to be patient, and take care of one thing at a time. STOP PLANNING!

I want to be so selflessly abandoned to Him, that I find joy in any and every task He has for me. I KNOW ministry school is in store, the timing is the question. And I want to find myself at His feet every second of the day. And if that means living at home for seven more months, then so be it.

I JUST WANT TO SERVE MY SAVIOR. I have finally found love. And that is all I want. To know that I am serving my LOVE.


and this is the song that He used to help me see all this....