love

so much thinking going on.... sometimes i wish i didn't think so much.
but today riding back from the beach with Don & Cathy, we were soaking in some AMAZING latin music. it wasnt steriotypical "mexican" music you hear when your eating at a Hispanic resturant, it was like Latin Jazz if that makes any sense. so here i am riding in the Suburban on a gloriously beautiful day, and im thinking about "purpose" and direction for life. and i was at such peace today, i couldnt bring myself to my usual frustration. i could only listen. as if my ability to worry and be frustrated had been numbed. i just sat and listened as God spoke love to me. I have been so caught up recently in wanting to conquer the world for Jesus. But i have neglected putting my ear to His chest and listening to His heart. I have fallen in love with ministry, and forgotten who i was ministering to and for. so today, He just reminded me, that my life is ministering to Him, and then when it's time, if it's ever time, the "ministry" will happen.
wow.

it's a beautiful day....today

today is absolutely GORGEOUS! Indeed God hears my prayers, as much as i would like to have the right to complain about Him, i know i do not. I am humbled today by how i repented to Him, using my feeble human words, and He responded with making the entire climate and atmosphere beautiful! wow, who am i?

whew

Today is Saturday 9-20-2008
Today is the ALABAMA vs. arkansas game! right now we (BAMA) are 2-0 i the season.
and today i know we will win again!

alot happening this weekend. Don & Cathy are coming in today, in an hour or two. And they will be here until about the time i fly to florida. i look forward to their visit,yet i anticipate it being a sort of stressful one. alot wil be confronted this time.

life has been bitter-sweet recently. brok has gone into total a*hole mode, and mom is trying her best to be depressed again. i am so thankful that i have only been depressed once in my life. mom and brok are depressed on aver age 10 out of 12 months. and seem to like it. i can't stand depression. it is ugly, and self-centered. alot is happening in our Church right now, tearing my mom up inside. and so her hands are full of Church politics and a selfish son.

im about to lose it with brok. i have never been so disrespected by a male in my whole life, and for it to be coming from a family member makes it worse. and the most painful part is to see him rip my mom to shreds, when she is the one who has never looked down on him. he slams doors, embarrasses us in public, will not speak a word to us, and throws tantrums when he doesnt get his way. he is literally making life MISERABLE in our home. i told mom she should give him two weeks to straighten up, or a month to get out of the house.

then she pulls the "you gave me hell too!" card out. and yes, i did. BUT when i was depressed, it was my first and only time, i still spoke to her, i did not try to hurt her, and i worked toward getting better, i went to counseling, and i sought Godly people for help. not to mention, i was 17, brok is 22!

so it makes me furious when she pulls that out. and she even admits that she has made life extremely easy for brok his entire life. he never got in trouble if he failed a subject in school, though i would get grounded for having a c on my report card. he never had to clean, yet i was being mean if i had the slightest mess in my room. he could disrespect her and mouth off to her any time he wanted,yet i would get in trouble for speaking my opinion.

im too old now to bee concerned with "fairness" but im just proving my point of how ridiculous this is. obviously the strict rules that were placed on me helped me to become a whole person. and the lack of discipline on his part....well you see how that turned out.

anyways, i just have a lot on my heart right now. trying to follow God's track for my life, to reach others, while trying to hold my mom up, and defend her from my brother.
gahh....

so i had to put Roxy down today.... it was one of the hardest things i've ever had to do.... she was amazing, and that doesnt even begin to describe her.... i love my RaRa....

REVIVAL

Im so excited about what God is doing in the Church, as well as in the earth!

Revival seems to be springing up in different places simultaneously. This weekend I have been going to some services at City Church of Mobile. Let me tell you, the FIRE is falling! The hunger is so intense, and the desperation is unstoppable. People are so hungry now, that they are not willing to let go until they have everything!

Joe was preaching the other night, and he was saying how we "worship" just enough to sense HIM, and then stop....we play around the veil, but never proceed into His Presence. But what we should really be doing is going beyond the veil, getting in the Glory, and staying there until we get to Heaven!

He was preaching on the story where Elijah told Ahab that there would be no rain until he told him there would be.... and then at the end the prophets of baal, and Elijah went to the top of the mountain, and Elijah said that which ever god answered with fire was the real god. So he told them to go first, they "frantically" prayed for baal to show up, and the whole time Elijah was teasing them....asking them where was their god? He said maybe he was asleep, or busy? So then Elijah had them put water on his wood, and the Holy Spirit came with FIRE!

Thats what the world is looking for! REAL! And we have what is REAL! It's time to get up, and get out, and TAKE the REAL to them! We have to stop waiting on them to come get what they need....the Bible says they don't know their right hand from their left! How are they supposed to know what they are looking for?

"I will set You as a seal, upon my heart, as a seal upon my arm. For there is love that is a strong as death, jealousy demanding as the grave. And many waters, cannot quench this love."