whew

Today is Saturday 9-20-2008
Today is the ALABAMA vs. arkansas game! right now we (BAMA) are 2-0 i the season.
and today i know we will win again!

alot happening this weekend. Don & Cathy are coming in today, in an hour or two. And they will be here until about the time i fly to florida. i look forward to their visit,yet i anticipate it being a sort of stressful one. alot wil be confronted this time.

life has been bitter-sweet recently. brok has gone into total a*hole mode, and mom is trying her best to be depressed again. i am so thankful that i have only been depressed once in my life. mom and brok are depressed on aver age 10 out of 12 months. and seem to like it. i can't stand depression. it is ugly, and self-centered. alot is happening in our Church right now, tearing my mom up inside. and so her hands are full of Church politics and a selfish son.

im about to lose it with brok. i have never been so disrespected by a male in my whole life, and for it to be coming from a family member makes it worse. and the most painful part is to see him rip my mom to shreds, when she is the one who has never looked down on him. he slams doors, embarrasses us in public, will not speak a word to us, and throws tantrums when he doesnt get his way. he is literally making life MISERABLE in our home. i told mom she should give him two weeks to straighten up, or a month to get out of the house.

then she pulls the "you gave me hell too!" card out. and yes, i did. BUT when i was depressed, it was my first and only time, i still spoke to her, i did not try to hurt her, and i worked toward getting better, i went to counseling, and i sought Godly people for help. not to mention, i was 17, brok is 22!

so it makes me furious when she pulls that out. and she even admits that she has made life extremely easy for brok his entire life. he never got in trouble if he failed a subject in school, though i would get grounded for having a c on my report card. he never had to clean, yet i was being mean if i had the slightest mess in my room. he could disrespect her and mouth off to her any time he wanted,yet i would get in trouble for speaking my opinion.

im too old now to bee concerned with "fairness" but im just proving my point of how ridiculous this is. obviously the strict rules that were placed on me helped me to become a whole person. and the lack of discipline on his part....well you see how that turned out.

anyways, i just have a lot on my heart right now. trying to follow God's track for my life, to reach others, while trying to hold my mom up, and defend her from my brother.
gahh....